Certain Uncertainty

This is an archive from my previous blog site originally posted on June 15, 2017.


Have you ever been in a situation when you are uncertain of almost everything? It’s difficult, right? More difficult for an overthinker/worrier like me who’s used to planning everything ahead of time.

I don’t know actually how I survived for myself the past six months of pure uncertainty without breaking down or giving up. Thank God for the abundance of His grace. Sure! I’ve spent most nights crying to sleep, overthinking everything and worrying about tomorrow. I’m only human. An automatic penchant for such is wired deep within my DNA.

Uncertain. Hanging. Waiting. These are the perfect words to describe my life six months ago and even up until now. I am unsure of everything. No sure road to take. No certain plans to make. No goals. No direction. JUST WAITING.

Recently, I realized that waiting seasons is for us not to actually endure the wait but to sweetly experience God as we wait. He isn’t actually asking us to figure things out. All He wants is for us to trust Him that He already has.

I was deeply rebuked by these words of Lauren Miller:

“Instead of dreaming about my next event, I am going to live in the mundance middle. I am going to seek to not only appear to know but to deeply know the Lord. I want to be consumed by Him as I wait and live in the middle of events. Because once my next event comes it will immediately pass and become another middle moment. And I want to live—really live—to please and honor God where I am now instead of constantly waiting for the next.”

I have been thinking a lot about the future that I have forgotten to live in the present. I keep on questionning God, I lose sight of the answers He is gradually showing me.

When we stop thinking about the future and start living in the present, we don’t get to worry too much. Because we know that our Shepherd would provide just enough for the day. We will realize He is actually giving us only slivers of light, not the whole of it, because He wants us to fully depend on Him each step of the way.

If we are certain of everything, we’ll have the tendency to run ahead of Him and worst—not to trust Him at all.

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like eagles. They soar and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Right now, I am certain of more uncertainties ahead. But one thing I keep in mind: God has never been uncertain of His plans for me. He knows the end from the beginning. I may only see the storm but He already sees the rainbow.And the only thing I am sure of? He who began this good work in me will finish it to completion.

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