This isn’t how I pictured ending year three in medicine is like. It would have more exciting and less stressful. There would have been a celebratory samgyup with my friends, a post-finals date with my sweetheart, and a heartfelt thanksgiving Sabbath.
But then again, the pandemic. Right. The stress I had to go through in order to officially enroll as a fourth year medial student is way worse than I expected.
But the important thing is — I AM ALREADY A CLINICAL CLERK!!! HUHU THANK YOU LORD!
Three years ago, I am just an anxious fresh grad (but with a PRC license lols) unsure where and how I could get into a medical school. I remember all those nights I wrestled with God in prayer. But now I have come this far because the God I prayed to three years ago is faithful! Always have been. Always will be.
There had been detours along the way. I got rejected from my dream medical school (which would have saved my family a lot of money) and would have placed me in a more secure spiritual environment. There were heartaches too. But God always has a plan that’s way bigger than ours.
I remember that little girl in 2 Kings 5 who told Naaman that there’s a prophet who could heal him. That little girl was from Israel but God brought her to Syria to be an instrument of good news to Naaman. My dream medical school would have been an Israel for me. But God brought me to Syria because I know (tho I’m not aware) that there is a Naaman here that needs to hear good news.
When I got officially accepted as a freshman, I had to undergo the interview twice. The second one was with a Psychiatrist. I was very anxious I might get rejected again. Thank God that the Psychiatrist was kind and very welcoming. She asked me tons of personal questions before she explained that my personality/psychiatric test result was very alarming. I wasn’t surprised. I know from the start how prone I am to worry and depression but I assured her that I can manage myself.
So year 1 went by so very quickly. There had been a lot of sleepless, tear-filled nights. Adjustment wasn’t easy. But thank God I survived.
Year 2 was life-changing. There were more tear-filled nights and I barely slept. I joined an organization despite my heavy academic load. I had tons of personal struggles but God has been there by my side. I’ve become well-adjusted and is now more aware of the realities of medicine culture.
Then, year 3. The period when I struggled the most emotionally. I cried more —almost every day. Several times I almost went to the Guidance Office for consultation because my anxiety was indeed great. I stress over the pettiest things. I can’t handle intrapersonal relationships. I skip class whenever I can. But no one knows how much I was struggling. Then the pandemic happened. My psychological burden lessened but the challenge with academics has become a problem. I don’t really learn that much with online classes so I had to make extra efforts on my end to catch up. We had a month of major exams all done online and just like that, it was over. I passed. I am now a clerk. All that I need to worry about is the enrolment.
A week ago, I got officially enrolled. The Lord provided the means. Jehovah-jireh!
Next week on Monday will be an unconventional Day 1 of 365. The first two months of our clerkship will be done online because the government’s guidelines on the current pandemic does not yet allow interns on the hospital. It would be challenging indeed but we have to face the music.
Right now, I am more than grateful I’ve come this far. This year will culminate everything that I have learned for the past three years. And God-willing, by this time next year, I am already writing a blog about my medical school graduation.
If there’s one word that would wrap up all the feelings and emotions I have right now it would be grateful.
I’m excited to know what lies ahead! My God has planted this dream in my heart, and He is achieving it, while He is refining me.
My Redeemer is faithful and true! 💟